It was my intention at the beginning of the year to post “accountability” progress reports every Friday. So far, I have failed. But no longer! Welcome to the first weekly update of 2025. While these posts are mostly for me, I’m hoping that my struggles and successes and attempts might resonate with other creative types. Please feel free to share your own weekly insights in the comments.
At the moment, my main creative energy is centered on theatre, where I’m directing Doubt: A Parable by John Patrick Shanley for Springs Ensemble Theatre. Over the past couple weeks, my team has put together brilliant designs, brainstormed creative directions, and found a super-talented cast.
For those of you who have never heard of Doubt, it is the Pulitzer Prize winning play of 2005 and won the Tony Award for Best Play in the same year. There’s a movie starring Meryl Streep, Amy Adams, Viola Davis, and Philip Seymour Hoffman. The movie is lovely. The play is better.
The story centers on the question of whether or not Father Flynn, a Catholic priest in 1964, has had an inappropriate relationship (read: sexually assaulted) with the first Black child to attend St. Nicholas School. As accusations and denials fly, the audience is asked to determine the priest’s guilt or innocence. And the audience must decide for itself…because the play offers nothing like certainty.
When I agreed to direct this play, I already knew the script was stellar. I knew the story was compelling. I knew it was a project I could sink my teeth into.
But then, a week before we were set to start rehearsals, I was called and selected for jury duty. It was a sexual assault trial.
I’m a firm believer that life is about learning. And I believe it’s our job to take the things we learn and make the world a better place. Our job is to improve things for those who journey with us and for those who come behind us. And, apparently, the universe seems to think I need to learn a lesson about doubt.
I won’t burden anyone with the details of the case. But the judge hammered home that the prosecution must prove the defendant’s guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. (Not a shadow of a doubt. A reasonable doubt.) So, inherently, the questions raised in this trial were identical to the questions raised in the play.
What events occured? Who was present? How do the events and people appear to the outside observer? How does the experience of the observer color the events?
And the biggest, central question: Can anyone ever know the truth for certain?
The longer the trial went, the farther deliberations went, it became clear to me. No. You can never know the full truth. We each hold a piece of the truth at any given time, but we will never be able to hold the whole. We can approach the truth. We can brush it with our fingerprints. The more pieces we assemble, the clearer the picture of truth becomes. But we’ll never know for sure. The gap between the pieces is doubt.
Last night, we rehearsed the opening monologue of Doubt. It’s a sermon about doubt. Father Flynn makes the argument that doubt is lonely, yes. Doubt and the unknown can be isolating and cause despair. I’m sick. I’m alone. I don’t know what’s going to happen.
Flynn continues his argument, insisting that doubt itself can be a bonding agent, rather than a cause for separation. Who didn’t feel doubt and confusion when Kennedy was assassinated? Who didn’t feel doubt and confusion during 9/11? Who didn’t feel doubt and confusion during Covid? Who isn’t feeling doubt and confusion right now?
But if we choose to share these doubts, doubt itself can be a bonding agent. You mean you’re confused too? You mean you feel lost too? You mean you’re not sure how to react either? I’m not alone?
I think Doubt the play, in its very first scene, answered the question of doubt in my own current experiences. In the jury room, I learned so much about eleven strangers. As we sorted through some incredibly personal information about total strangers, we got to know one another. We were forced to talk about our doubts. And if any of them asked me to go have a beer tomorrow night, I would absolutely go. I don’t even drink beer.
If we do this play right, we’ll be asking the audience to step in and have conversations about the “facts” of the play. They’ll be asked to consider motives. They’ll be given pieces of the truth, but not the whole thing. If we do this right, the audience will linger afterward, conversing with their neighbors, sharing their opinions and observations and doubts. Hopefully, Doubt and the doubt it creates will build a sense of community and conversation for just a little while.
Doubt: A Parable opens April 10 and runs through April 27. I’ll share ticket details and whatnot as we get a little closer.
Speaking of plays and community and my own work. Pikes Peak State College and Springs Ensemble Theatre are co-producing Arnie’s Love Mix–a collection of original plays, music, and poetry THIS WEEKEND.
Ten of my 100-word stories are featured in this incredible collection of local work. I’m so honored to be included here. The plays are 10-minute pieces reflecting on love in its many iterations. Congratulations to Sarah Sheppard Shaver and her team of 50+ people for pulling this off. And you can still get tickets!
I also have to thank this fine group of people for lighting a fire under me. I’m currently assembling my 100-word stories into a collection called Shards: Prose Poems with Sharp Edges. Hopefully, if I don’t lose my momentum, that will be released digitally and in paperback in the next couple months.
Writing
Currently working on:
- Finished novel outline for novel I am ghostwriting. Once client approves, I’ll be working on that!
- Putting together Shards. This involves me learning a lot of new skills. I’m currently learning how to format these stories into book form. I will be hiring a cover designer. And I’ll need to learn/team up with digital publishing specialists to figure out how to get onto Amazon, B&N, etc. So I’ll be putting a few months of research into play. This is a pretty large checklist…
- Editing futuristic sci-fi thriller.
- Editing Alaska crime novel.
Whew! Okay, I’ve gone on long enough. I hope you get a chance to see Arnie’s Love Mix if you’re in Colorado Springs. I’ll keep you posted on the rest!
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